New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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