walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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