i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
