For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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