If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
