there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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