dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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