someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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