If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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