My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
