im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
