Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
