we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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