I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
