if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
