look no pants
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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