Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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