I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
