just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
