guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
