I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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