2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
