So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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