he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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