But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
