Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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