if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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