i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
