I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
