I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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