why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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