my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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