ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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