I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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