I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
