if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
