wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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