I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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