what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
