Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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