Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
