the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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