sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
