Hey man sorry I got all grabby
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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