She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You left your phone here
Wait...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
