No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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