well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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