i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
