She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
