Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
